I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
