Your face is a jimmy john
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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