i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
