You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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