Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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