i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
