He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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