As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
