You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My ass is underappreciated
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
