By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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