OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
