The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
