They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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