so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
