I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
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