Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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