I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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