i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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