Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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