put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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