a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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