Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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