That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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