how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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