One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
