Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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