my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
