By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can I color on your dick again?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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