I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Boobs speak an international language.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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