No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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