I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
