you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
