i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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