No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
