I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
