ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
