I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
