Actions speak louder than pants.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
