Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
