I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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