i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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