His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
