the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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