They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he shaved USA in his pubs
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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