i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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