tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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