he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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