I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
