I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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