why didn't you poke me back
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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