He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
