We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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