What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
