I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
