I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
