You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We are all done wearing pants today
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
