There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
This beer is not sobering me up at all
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
