i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize