This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
