So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
