I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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