I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Randomize