Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
