Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
