i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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