I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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