i don't like sucking hair
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
